Do we ever really know what is going on with the people around us? How often do you hear someone say something and wonder what has made them react that way? It can be hard when you feel out of control to keep all the plates spinning and to act as if everything is okay. When I found myself dealing with yet another drama I started to wonder whether trying to carry on as if all is well is actually the best way to deal with adversity. Maybe asking for help from those around from you is the way forward. What do you think?
Not wanting to answer the question ‘How are you?’
We can feel pressured to keep going regardless. Being self employed adds more pressure in that if you don’t work, you don’t earn. I have certainly been doing a great impression of a swan. It is all serene above the water but underneath my legs are swimming furiously. I have taken to avoiding any social situations and even meeting up with friends. That felt like a better option than having to answer the question as to how I am. The problem with that strategy is that none of it goes away and it becomes ever harder to maintain the illusion that all is well.
It is time to ask for help
I have started to realise that being strong and dealing with problems yourself is not always the answer. As the calls from school continue and the rows escalate, so does my sense of isolation. I am like a ticking time bomb and it feels as though it could very easily spiral out of control. To be frank a big contributing factor has been a desire to protect my family. We have dealt with so much and said very little. I have to admit to feeling really hurt when as the next incident occurred steps were taken to create distance away from me by others involved. It made me realise how little we know about each other and how hurtful our actions can be. Sometimes an incident can be part of something much bigger rather than a stand alone.
I have certainly made a concerted effort to be kinder and to take more care in my interactions with others. We don’t always stop to think why someone is short with us or why they have reacted badly. Perhaps it is about us all demonstrating more care in order for us all to feel supported.
When you look at Facebook feeds and Instagram stories, you see a stream of happy smiling faces. It can be so easy to fall into the trap of believing that everyone else has an easy and happy life. We only share the shiny moments. We all worry about the impact that this manufactured view of the world is having on our children. Perhaps it is not just about the younger generation. When things are not going well it is easier to withdraw from the added pressure. I haven’t been posting nearly as often and have been acutely aware of how hypocritical it would have been to make it all look as if everything is fine when it has been anything but.
Finding the positives and moving forwards
It is never all doom and gloom though. I am optimistic by nature and constantly seek the positive. When you face adversity and come through the other side you will have learned a great deal. We grow stronger and have a greater sense of self awareness. There is the opportunity to take stock and to evaluate what really matters. Your friends are those who keep asking and showing up even when you go quiet and retreat. Those who judge or turn their back didn’t ever have your back, so aren’t to be missed.
I now understand that all you can do is to make the best of where you are at. Life throws curve balls and you have to keep trying to do your best and keep perspective. Children are individuals and as they grow you are not entirely responsible for the way they behave or the trauma they suffer. Teenagers push boundaries and will make mistakes along the way. You all learn together and do the best that you can.
My challenge to you
What I want you to take away from today is that every one of us has our own challenges to face. Some are grave and life changing and others will pass. We can all play our part in supporting each other and making space in our day to ask and to listen. You never know, taking that time may really help someone who is struggling. I know that I would have found the last six months significantly harder without those who took the time to connect and to offer support. Kindness costs nothing and we all have the capacity to change someone’s day for the better. What can you do to make a difference today?
I would love you to become part of the supportive fit4evermore community. There are 3 easy ways to do so following the links below. My intention is to help you all to move more and to move well. I understand what it is like to be busy and to deal with so many conflicting pressures on a daily basis. What I try to do is to give you some quick and easy wins to help you on your way to being stronger, healthier and happier.